Research Diary #2: The inner thoughts of imposter feelings are stirring inside
Includes a mini-guide on research and reflective writing prompts, these prompts are focused on experiences of imposter syndrome in writing.
My Research Diary uses terms that may be distressing to readers. These terms are based on publicly available research literature in trauma and are used widely in various research databases. Please take your time in digesting, self-loving and pausing when you need a mini retreat.
Dear Beezee Bees,
Here I am building on the Hive Curriculums grounded in seasons with nature-based writing prompts and gentle self-paced research prompts. I am continuing to grow with my Research Diary as I track the final year of my PhD journey. The weeks unfold, this little hive of ideas is beginning to link all its parts together, evolving as I settle into the season and ground into my research of deep reading, thinking and writing.
This research diary, for me, is far more than a record of what I have read or observed. It’s a living space where I reflect on my PhD research journey and experiences I have collected along the way. Each entry becomes an act of noticing, appreciating, what caught my attention, what unsettled an assumption, what warmed the hive of my thinking that leans into how I grow and learn.
By returning to my research diary pages again and again, I practice attention, reflection and digesting what I am learning. This is my gentle reminder of my progress. It is a way I create a traceable map, a record of my intellectual and creative movement in my third year of my doctorate. Over time, this diary will become my keep's sake, a companion that shows me where I’ve been and hints at where I’m heading.
The PhD Journey
“Your PhD thesis is not just a document; it is a reflection of your ability to think critically and innovate.” - unknown
Stepping into my third year of the doctorate feels less like crossing a threshold and more like returning to a landscape I’m finally beginning to understand. Earlier this year I wrote a post on Gentle growth lives in the hive - by Katerina Schmitt which described my earlier experiences of learning and growing. This path is still moving, but it no longer feels foreign. I can sense the direction I have carved through reading, writing, questioning, and circling back again. They are faint, non-linier, and they are mine.
I pause as I reflect on what is happening within me.
What? - This year carries a different weight. Not heavier just more intentional that is interconnecting all the lessons I have learned along the way. The early years were about gathering readings, literature reviews, research proposals, ideas, reviewing theories, choosing methods and methodology, formulating research questions I wasn’t yet ready to ask aloud. Now the work feels deeper and richer in its nature, with deeper reflections that feel at the time emotionally tense.
I’m noticing how my research diary has become a companion rather than a requirement. It’s where I trace my research movements, decisions of my thinking, where I let myself be vulnerable. It is a practice of longing enough for it to teach me something. This process feels deeply personal and professional in one entry. I grow as a person as well as research at the same time.
If the first year was about orientation, research proposals and research ethics applications. Receiving regular mentoring. Managing the balance of work, life, love, research, and self-care. Noticing imposter syndrome kicking in.
The second year was about promoting my research project, recruiting participants and analysing transcripts of data. Noticing, reviewing and monitoring how my work, life, love and self-care are tracking. Exhaustion was well and being truly present. The imposter syndrome was still hanging around. I wondered why and found this interesting research study.
So what? - According to Wang and Li (2023) scoping review of 30 studies on the impostor syndrome among doctoral students highlights strong links between impostor feelings and mental‑health challenges including anxiety, depression, burnout, and procrastination.
My aha moment arrived reading this particular article, what I found fascinating is that so many studies arrived at similar conclusions. I often don’t name this in my writing perhaps its avoidance, or personal boundaries, maybe it is being mindful of the reader and their experience or being a trauma-informed writer. I even removed details from this paragraph that felt too vulnerable, wondering the value it would give others. I believe the ‘imposter’ feeling for me is deeply seeded in my core beliefs about myself and from my childhood experiences. Life shapes us in mysterious ways. These core beliefs are repeated throughout generations within my family… I traced them back to WWII. Something I will need to feel comfortable about sharing more openly so my research makes sense to the readers, reviewers, knowers and thinkers. This part feels heavy, vulnerable and unexpected. I notice other researchers present their positioning with such ease. Perhaps that’s when I feel it the most, an imposter thoughts creep in “I shouldn’t be here” and “I don’t belong”.
I really liked Rachel Writes Fiction description of this feeling ‘it feels like walking on the edge of growth’. I wonder if that is when I feel like an imposter, I am learning and I am growing. I don’t have all the answers, but I am working on it.
Now what? - The journey is different for everyone; we all have a different purpose and our writing or research topics that are in some way connected to us. The journey is long with many twists and turns, ups and downs, some moments that are cringy and other moments feel more like awe. Every journey has aha moments, setbacks, progress, a pause and a finish line. All PhD students are in very different stages of life too.
I am in midlife. PhD mum of three.
With a clearer understanding of where these feelings and beliefs come from, my attention intentionally moves my focus to look for concrete evidence that challenges my thoughts and feelings of being an imposter. In the last two years of my doctorate I experienced and celebrated many ‘tiny wins’ along the journey that led to the following big tangible ‘wins’ in my story.
The above is the look Roxy gave me when I celebrated the final submission of another book chapter that I have been working on. This seemed like a long emotionally and psychologically testing process.
The above is a LinkedIn post from HERDSA Fellowship group celebrating the completion of the Fellowship program. I completed two years of mentoring in scholarship of teaching and learning. My teaching portfolio has been ratified, and I was informed that I would receive the ‘Fellow’ award at the next conference in Singapore.
My abstract was accepted to present at the HERDSA Annual Conference in Singapore. I am dreaming of a beautiful girl’s trip with fellow PhDs. Celebrating a trip to Singapore, a country I have never been too before, I am really excited about this trip.
And here we are now. The start of my third year begins at the end of April 2026
Photos from of my week, sharing what I am consuming and creating.
Photos from my week, sharing how I release what I consume and create.
Time to pause and take a mini retreat.
This photo is a reminder I need to bring mini retreats into my days.
Your Mini-Guide
I hope that this will useful and kind to new writers.
This mini-guide is yours to keep, it provides writers with a simple structure to organise their reflections and thoughts on paper that feel, gentle, meaningful and fulfilling to the writer. Think of this mini-guide as a gentle companion sitting with you in time of writing, reflecting and movement towards your next piece of work.
This next section guides you how reading connects with reflecting and writing.
Research Prompts
Research prompts are keywords used to search research journals in databases. In Research Diary #1 I explained the wondering question Why research prompts? If you are a first-time reader, I would encourage you to circle back.
Here we are focusing on imposter syndrome this week.
These research prompts will give writers a structure to guide writing their personal narrative, particularly those who are new to the concept of researching and writing in the field. These research prompts are focused on experiences of trauma. Something personal. Something sensitive that needs care and compassion.
For this section you will need to open up Google Scholar. If you have missed it, no worries, here is a recap, head over to this publication below:
What you will need:
The journey unfolds in the following way:
Slowly and gently browse some readings with intention and purpose.
First, write the research keyword prompt and the question ‘How do these narratives shape public understanding of childhood trauma?’
Then, choose one (or more if you feel the pull) research keyword prompt.
Research keyword prompt 1, imposter syndrome in writing,
Research keyword prompt 2, consequences imposter syndrome,
Research keyword prompt 3, child and adult trauma and imposter syndrome,
Research keyword prompt 4, early 19th century literature,
Research keyword prompt 5, women writers in 19th century.
Stay, even when you feel your thoughts drift, with the question if you can, the mind tends to wonder off track when interesting articles fill your screen, be gentle with yourself, be kind to yourself, get lost in some insightful research rabbit holes.
Reflective Writing Prompts
These reflective writing prompts are more about reflection on reading and own experiences and less on sounding coherent in your writing at this stage, but the two are interconnected, but right now we let it flow and release. These moments are personal and only for your eyes to see. Be gentle with yourself, pause when you need to.
I am suggesting this simple model of reflection it helped me with my reflective writing and accepted by a for a book chapter publication. I will share the link with my readers when it is published.
Here I use the Rolfe et. al. (2021) reflective model to deepens your process of understanding and move into reflexivity: What? So what? Now what? I shared a very brief introduction to the model in Humming the power of inner thoughts - by Katerina Schmitt.
Firsts ask about, What? What is your understanding of imposter syndrome? What changed your views?
Second, ask yourself, So what? Why am I feeling the way I am feeling? What is beneath these feelings?
Thirdly, ask yourself, Now what? In what ways has the literature validated or explained my thoughts and feelings? Has this happened to others? How did they manage them?
One of my research diaries where I document my thoughts, ideas and reflections.
Honouring the Experience
"Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” — Dr. Seuss
When I sit with what I’ve learned, I try to honour it by giving it space to breathe before I turn it into something shareable. I find when releasing these reflections into words, I’m not just documenting the learning; I’m transforming my inner hive.
This is where our creative strength presents itself, it transforms this work of deep reading and thinking into something meaningful to share and hold close,
a poem,
a creative story or blog,
a gentle letter to self,
a painting representing your experience,
a quite reflection in nature with a cup of tea (or coffee) or whatever comfort delicious drink you desire.
On a closing note, this little hive is building a community of readers and writers, knowers, thinkers and lifelong learners. A gentle invitation if you’d like to keep exploring these writing practices together with a community, you’re warmly welcome to join the Hive Writing Group on Fridays, a space to share pages, ask fellow writers questions, and grow alongside of other who are also finding their way through the work.
If you have been stung by some learning mojo energy and wish to keep buzzing through my articles, here are some you may like to discover:
