Research Diary #3: I quit my job
Yes, I did and I didn't want to write about this. 10 ways I continue to convince my family I am still working hard while they are not at home.
Dear Beezee Beez
Thank you for coming on this PhD journey with me. I am using this research diary to track my journey and share it with you. It has only occurred to me this year that it is rare to meet mothers who are undertaking graduate research degrees during their midlife.
It is incredibly rare to find mothers (or parents) with young children in academia let alone doing doctorate research. Career mums often talk about sacrificing their time with children and feeling mother’s guilt. Yes, that is still present in me, it has been for years, but this article isn’t about that.
I decided to quit my job, start of February, to become a substacker… just kidding, but blogging is a good part of the reason and journey. I realised the work and my career will still be there, with the same opportunities and challenges. It was time to take a pause and focus on developing my PhD and all thing experiences that come with it like attending events, conferences, workshops, writing and doing the research! This was a difficult decision, I loved my job at the school, but I loved my PhD more, I couldn’t do it all.
There were just not enough hours in the day.
Quitting my job is a HUGE financial decision, and there is no secret that Australian PhDs live in poverty.
Despite a slight poverty issue, which is not fun to navigate with three kids, hungry mouths to feed, afterschool activities to pay for, no real holidays, endless shopping requests and daily essential luxuries (including food and petrol these days). It was the best decision I needed to make in this time of my life.
“Let all your moments of self-doubt, fear, or disappointment fuel your drive to be great.” – Devin McCourty
I love this quote, although it doesn’t happen every time, I do strive to let my self-doubt, fear and disappointment fuel my strength to move forward.
It isn’t a midlife crisis. It is a normal stage of my life, according to Erikson this stage of life 30-65 is really focusing on ‘contribution to society and be part of a family’.
It is reassuring to know that in this stage of life, the generative vs stagnation begins to show up in our desires for new ways of living and aligning with our social identity. I found that I am wishing to contribute to the next generation more and the desire grew stronger to be part of a community that leans towards researching and writing (generativity). I wanted to activity engage in this gentle redirection in my development as I grew older, perhaps I have learned a few things along my journey. The alternative is the stagnation stages, this is where I would fall into my own trap with no personal growth, feelings of emptiness and disconnection.
I am consciously stepping in to learning, growing through reflection and formal training in my PhD
Learning and growing is important to me as an individual and as a mother. I want to model accessible education and working for passion to my children. I want to model how to follow dreams. So they can see that and feel that is possible in their life.
It was about prioritising my family, flexible way of working and living. It created more opportunities for writing, my days became filled with more meaningful conversations and experiences.
It allowed me to slow down, process and move towards something tangible that I desired throughout my career and develop those skills. A gentle ambition lived inside of me that never really went away. Making room for what really mattered is part of this story.
I love this quote; it represents existence for me and what I can control and what I can improve on later. Life has taken an interesting turn, my household is full of mini bosses keeping me accountable for my time and how I spend it. I find myself negotiating with my family about my time at home and blogging.
10 ways I continue to be accountable for ‘mummy’s home time’ while in my third PhD year. I continue to convince my family I am working hard while they are not at home.
One, I created a ‘In Meeting’ door sign that says: “Mummy is in a meeting for 60 minutes with a person you don’t know, you have to get your own drink, snack and work out arguments together”.
Two, I put on my work clothes in the morning, and say: YES mummy is still working on a really big and important project.
Three, I ask my family how their days was, naturally they ask the same question back at the end of each day, I am required to provide them with a detailed description on how I used my time.
Four, no washing duties during worktime, I may be flexible, but I can’t do housework while focusing on data analysis, yes, the laundry is still in the washing baskets, and it is waiting to be done.
Five, meal prepping most Sundays helps with organisation and letting the family know I am actually busy Monday - Friday.
Six, I have picked up some casual teaching contracts, this means kids: when I don’t work, I don’t get paid and I am not spending money on Robux
Seven, when family drops in, they can see I am working, in my studio, both PCs on, analysing, writing, reading, it’s an opportunity for me to debrief if I am struggling.
Eight, all shopping is done outside of ‘working hours’, gently remind them when they say in the morning, if you go to the shops can you please get… [the thing]
Nine, school hours are my working hours. Not negotiable, my holidays are during school holidays, but teaching and marking overlaps most of the time.
Ten, no I haven’t picked up the dog poop, I am still working. Writing a blog is a big part of developing my ‘writing practice’.
As I am writing these down, they feel deceitful, a little cringe to share, but this is my reality and one way I protect my PhD time and feel productive in my days.
On a closing studio note, thank you for being here with me for a little while and sharing this journey with me. It still amazes me how words can sprinkle the page when I have something pressing to on my mind. I hope these words find their way to someone who may need them. If anything in this piece stayed with you, even for a moment, I’m grateful. And if you’re carrying something heavy today, I hope this offered a small pocket of ease. Until next time, may you move through your hours with a bit more gentleness and self-love.
If you have been stung by some reading mojo energy and wish to keep buzzing through my articles, here are some you may like to discover:
I admire your boundary setting and you honour your work.
I sprinkle the housework throughout my day and I reading this I realise it's because I feel guilty, that my writing isn't work.
Thanks for the inspiration!
Hello Katherine, thank you so much for being here and reading. I am so pleased it resonated with you. Yes it definitely isn't easy and I have learned many lessons along the way for sure.
Your time and writing is so valuable and it deserves all of you. 💕 I am glad it inspired you to set some protective time for your practice.