Journal #9: 3 Networking moves for introverts
Here I share my pre-conference game plan to survive the social battlefield at a conference without accidentally forming alliance with the wrong crowd.
Dear friends, I am pleased you are here reading,
Let us begin with an uncomfortable truth: networking is really a battlefield in a war of egos.
Not the dramatic, sword-clashing kind though that would at least justify a better outfit choice but the awkward kind of competing egos and psychological combat.
Here I welcome you into my inner world of madness as I prepare for the most exciting and socially awkward experience of my career. This may sound suspiciously similar to Game of Thrones, except that instead of dragons, I must prepare to battle prolonged eye contact, suspiciously strong coffee, and the deceptively simple phrase, “so, what do you do?” at the wildly conservative black tie dinner party and social tours.
At this point I would be clutching my lukewarm coffee and attempt to remember how to introduce myself without sounding like a slightly corrupted LinkedIn profile.
Upon entering this conference arena, one quickly discerns the dominant House of Effortlessly Impressive, whose members claim they “just threw something together” despite clearly having prepared for the last seventh months of literature review and data analysis, summarised in a PowerPoint presentation.
Next to the cake stand gather the House Over-Explainers, capable of converting any casual inquiry into a full keynote address. House Strategic Nodding occupies a discrete position in the arena, surviving entirely on well-timed murmurs of “that’s interesting” while revealing nothing of strategic value.
And then there is my own house, the least relevant and important one of all, in the hierarchy of the arena, the House of Lost, casually walking in equipt with stories and posing questions to discuss at a round table. That’s right, no PowerPoint to guide me, just me, myself and I. A small group of people in my corner that are in the same house. Lucky, I have registered to have a buddy to take me around so I will be sure to utilise this.
It quickly becomes apparent that networking is less about what people do, more about achievements, titles, and publication records. Also, how convincingly they can explain it in under thirty seconds without losing oxygen. This is called the elevated pitch! Yes, I don’t have one but will be drafting it as a last minute preparation activity on the flight.
Preparing for conference networking unfolds like a carefully staged episode in a Game of Thrones season 5. Full of unexpected turns, subtle power plays, and the occasional dramatic misstep that no one fully recovers from. You enter the room with a plan, much like a noble house entering an alliance, only to find that conversations pivot abruptly, introductions take surprising directions, and the person you thought would be a brief encounter becomes a long and intricate exchange about topics you did not prepare for.
I suspect this would be much like a shocking twist that redefine loyalties and expectations, networking can swiftly move from confident beginnings to awkward pauses or unexpectedly meaningful connections. One moment you are exchanging polished introductions, and the next you are navigating a conversational twist so abrupt that all you can do is nod thoughtfully and hope your expression conveys wisdom rather than mild confusion.
Yet, as in any well-crafted saga, survival does not depend on predicting every twist, but on adapting with composure and a sense of humour, while supporting spontaneous unpredictable creativity. The seasoned conference-goer learns that not every interaction needs to be a decisive victory; some are simply moments to endure gracefully, while others may evolve connecting with alliances worth keeping.
I have a tendency to ask awkward questions in the rush attempt to fill awkward silences in conversation with that lingering as a potential attempt to socially fail at networking I prepare to feel discomfort with pauses that feel longer than a sip of red wine.
While navigating this psychologically thrilling battlefield of networking with winners and perceived losers there is a more dynamic conversation that will occupy my headspace. I am hoping to find someone charismatically funny to get me through the week. This may need continuously adjustments and laugher at the absurdity of how nervous I feel.
The most feared part, however, remains. I admit I am awkward. I always have been, probably never change. This has been confirmed by family, friends and strangers. Literary as recent as last week!
So, let’s work with what I have and consider how I am going to mask this awkwardness. Samwell Tarly to the rescue who is totally socially awkward moves to dodge equally awkward questions and conversations. Meet my mentor for the next 7 days! Isn’t he adorable I could just squeeze those cute cheeks. I will observe his every move and take extensive fieldnotes.
To navigate this arena with dignity and sophistication, I have created a game plan in my head, that will likely change several times before the conference, but this is what we for now.
My 3 Moves
First, expectations must be lowered significantly, again, story of my PhD life. Not every conversation will be meaningful; some will be merely tolerable. Smile and nod, my standard go to response is “that is interesting”. Sorted.
Second, one should rely on simple, open-ended questions, for survival. There is no need for brilliance; curiosity is safer. In fact, asking thoughtful questions has the added advantage of allowing the other person to speak at length, which is widely considered one of the most effective networking techniques available. Yes, people do like to talk about themselves a lot. Winning plan.
Thirdly, find a buffoon that just keeps on giving and I can be entertained while quietly hiding in their shadow of brilliance.
Frankly, networking is less about advancing my career and more about finding survival strategies for socially awkward moments of self-promotion.
On a closing fieldnote, the battlefield is real, scary, anxiety provoking and literal war of egos filling the room. Networking is not won through perfection, dominance, head chopping or sword fighting. It is navigated with unease, discomfort, tensions and most of all self-compassion.
Continue reading…
